guest letter no. 1

Dear Mother Nature,

I had to write to you about the host body you paired me with and all the things she is doing to me. She has long talked about wanting to do something about me - she has droned on and on about how wobbly I am, how I have something called cellulite and how I am supposedly "stubborn". She has even had the gall to call me "saddlebags", I know! the horror of it! If I was going to be a bag at all it would be a lovely one carried on the shoulder or perhaps all ladylike-like in the crook of one's elbow, but most certainly not on a saddle.

Seriously, does she not know how important I am? I am serving a really good function (I am aren't I?) and give her a shape that is feminine and perfect for narrow waisted dresses. She doesn't see how she makes the perfect pear and that is exactly what she's meant to be.

But dear Mother Nature, I never thought her words would lead somewhere - she is exercising and toning and doing all kinds of things I can't even describe! She goes walking all the time, and I'm not talking about dainty constitutionals, she is relentless and even when I ache she won't stop. And, I feel a little worried about where this might lead, oh my'oh'my, but I like it! I love it fact! I am getting smaller mind you, but that hasn't changed my resolve to be shapely and give her a soft landing where ever she may fall.

You and I are well aware that she doesn't need me, that the old adage about "energy storage" in the event of starvation doesn't really apply anymore and my kind aren't thought of as highly as we once were. I know though that you paired us together for life and you have your reasons for that. I just wanted to keep you aware of the changes. I am still committed to this woman and, besides, I think being smaller and more toned suits me. 

Yours faithfully,

Rachel's thighs