I'm twenty off the magical X weight I am striving for (and thus, the super clever title to this post), but to be honest I'll be happy to be in the area of X; I'm nothing if not flexible :)
I'm not acutely aware of all the changes that have happened over the past thirty kilos. I've lost them over quite a length of time so the changes in my appearance have been slow and steady. I've steadily been going down in clothing sizes and finding last season's clothes are too loose - I guess, now that I think about it, I've gone down 6 sizes or thereabouts. And now I can go into pretty much any store, before that wasn't really possible; I do still have freak out moments and feel like I'm walking into a store just waiting for the sales assistant to tell me I don't belong in there (not that that ever happened to me, but anyone who has been really overweight knows how to read far more into a sales assistant saying hello and asking if they can help you with anything). I love clothes, so this is a great thing.
In the beginning of this adventure I honestly thought it was something I could focus on for a while and then I'd get to a magic happy place and I wouldn't have to think about weight loss again. I worked out pretty quickly that just doesn't work - short term quick-fixes are just that, short term. And being 50kgs overweight is not short term, its long term, who even knows how long it took to get to that point and it indicates something is seriously out of whack and has been for a while. To turn my weight and fitness situation around I had to take a pretty serious look at things.
Food wise, I was never someone who ate fast food every night, who snuck sweets or anything like that. I just seriously love food, I love the ritual involved, I love the endless combinations and, I realised, I love pretty much every food there is. Although I now know being hungry makes food taste even better, I guess I didn't really like feeling hungry, quite the opposite, I liked feeling full; I liked enjoying eating something and looking at the supply of it, knowing there was plenty more if I wanted it. I've really had to confront my habits and learn the joy of eating good food and to recognise how I feel after eating the not-so-healthy stuff. I've had to learn what healthy food I like to eat and learn to enjoy a reasonable portion of it. Luckily, I love pretty much everything. I'm still pretty diligent about calories, especially with something new, to keep my portions under control. And, I have to say, I freaking love how good I feel when I don't eat the unhealthy stuff.
Exercise wise, it was basic. I didn't do it. I found, through trial and error, things that work for me. I still don't love it - I wish I could say I do. I do love how it makes me feel though and thats better than nothing. I do also love the idea of living to a ripe old age and the evidence is there folks, so I'm "in", I'll exercise. Over the past six months or so I have really upped my cardio endurance and I can safely say I have never been as strong as I am now - the Tall Poppy in me is compelled to tell you I have plenty of room for improvement, but I am really proud of how much I've improved in this area.
By far the biggest difference over the weight loss is that I have become more me. My health, I've realised, is something I really care about, it always has been but I guess I wasn't really living truthfully in that regard, I was pretty much in an ignorant caloric bliss. If you can bare with me, I feel that by outwardly and inwardly acknowledging the importance of looking after my health and living a life that is in sync with that I have more room in my life for other things. Hopefully that makes sense, if not, know that I am super happy with where I'm at, where I'm going and how I'm getting there.
And, did I tell you, I've lost Thirty Kilos :)